Zazen Day 4 – Focus

Today was even more scattered than usual, and I’m choosing to put the blame on my cat. I could barely get to one today but Monkey decided to step on my computer at minute 12 today. I’m supposed to be focusing on nothing, taking in the whole room at once with my eyes cast 45-degrees downward. But my concentration was easy to break today. I felt restless, frustrated, sad. And really curious what I’ll feel like on day 28.

So, for a particularly scattered day, a particularly scattered post. Things I was thinking about during Zazen today:

– That episode of Buffy when Giles makes her stare into the crystal while he’s drugging her for the birthday trial. I keep focusing on a particular spot on the floor, a few really, that look like eyes. Not quite a flaw in a crystal, but then a British man isn’t trying to inject me with power-draining serum. I swear that’s not a metaphor for anything.

– One of my absolute favorite episodes of TV – “Gone” from Spaced series 2. Watching this series was strangely formative for me; my sister and I mainlined the whole series in a night a few summers ago. Tim and Daisy’s relationship reminded me a lot of the friendship between a me and a guy I was interested in. At the close of the series, I realized that I was in fact completely in love with him. So Spaced will always have a spot in my heart, regardless of its utter brilliance. It’s always a treat to rewatch, especially now…I’m watching “Gone” next to that friend – now boyfriend – who was also randomly thinking about this episode today.

Best online thing I read today: The Old Corner Bookshop is Now a Chipotle by Rhian Sasseen / The Millions

Song I loved today: Plumage / Menomena

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